YOU’RE INVITED TO KAYLEIGH’S MEASLES + BIRTHDAY PARTY
The happy day has finally arrived! Our little jewel Kayleigh will be turning SIX YEARS OLD this month and we will be throwing a big party this Saturday!
And, as luck would have it, she also has just contracted the measles right now (hence the rush to squeeze in a party this week), so all her friends who have not been vaccinated can come to share! Yay!
Little Kayleigh is still in her “princess phase,” so the theme of the party will be Kayleigh’s Kupcake Kastle. We’ll have lots of “royal” fun and games, starting at 2 o’clock. These will include “Cough-Cough-Goose,” “Lick the Mutton” “Germ Jousting”, and the Share Your Hankies relay. Forsooth, m’lords and ladies, twill be fun!
Then we’ll enjoy a magnificent feast, eating with our unwashed hands and quaffing from a big communal cup, just like kings and queens of old. Then everyone’s favorite: cake and ice cream, again in a great big bowl to share. (if your child has any dietary restrictions, please let us know.) The take-home goodie bags will include special virus lollipops and other surprise to make sure EVERYONE receive the gift of natural immunity.
(Of course, our children’s safety is our top concern, so we are strictly limiting partygoers to those children who have yet to contract measles, mumps or chicken pox. If you or your child has been to equatorial Africa in the past eight weeks, we’re sorry but please don’t come. We need to be responsible in our efforts to infect our precious ones. On the other hand, if you’ve subjected your child to vaccinations, giving in to pressure from Big Pharma-Medicine-Government-Science-Media-Conventional Wisdom-Grandparents, please disregard this invitation.)
Attached you will find a legal waiver that absolves our family, Kayleigh, and other attendees of liability in case your child contracts a disease OTHER THAN measles. We’ll do our best to make sure every child is exposed to the virus, but we cannot guarantee everyone will come down with the disease. Sorry! The Waiver was downloaded from MomsAreSmarterThanDoctors.com and, according to my neighbor who has taken internet classes in contract law, it is very fair for everyone.
So come and celebrate ye the Olden Tymes with us when children were strong and healthy. Please bring your signed waiver and join us Saturday for exciting games, yummy food and natural communal health. The fun will be infectious! (Sorry, couldn’t resist!)